45
by Chibi Orochi-kun
Summary: He felt violated, the sensation of shame never washing from his skin. Wanting to destroy it for something it hadn't done. He was just like them. It was all his fault. Rated for character death, yaoi, and insinuation of rape... R&R please!


**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the song featured. Thank You.**

"_Send away for a priceless gift  
__One not subtle  
__One not on the list  
__Send away for a perfect world  
__One not simply so absurd  
__In these times of doing what you're told  
__Keep these feelings no one knows_

_What ever happened to the young mans heart  
__Swallowed by pain as he slowly fell apart_

_And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45  
__I'm swimming through the ashes of another life  
__There is no real reason to accept the way things have changed  
__Staring down the barrel of a 45_

_Send a message to the unborn child  
__To keep your eyes open for a while  
__In a box high up on the shelf  
__Left for you no one else  
__There's a piece of a puzzle known as life  
__Wrapped in guilt and sealed up tight_

_So what ever happened to the young mans heart  
__Swallowed by pain as he slowly fell apart_

_And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45  
__I'm swimming through the ashes of another life  
__There is no real reason to accept the way things have changed  
__Staring down the barrel of a 45_

_Cuz everyone's pointing their fingers  
__They're always condemning me  
__Nobody knows what I believe  
__What I believe_

_And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45  
__I'm swimming through the ashes of another life  
__There is no real reason to accept the way things have changed  
__Staring down the barrel _

_Well and I'm staring down the barrel of a 45  
__I'm swimming through the ashes of another life  
__There is no real reason to accept the way things have changed  
__Staring down the barrel of a 45_

_Of a 45_

_I am staring down the barrel of a 45"  
__-"45(Acoustic)" __Shinedown_

45

He had never wanted it to be like this. Never had he hoped this would happen to him. His life was ruined. Nothing left to salvage. The news was too much. Sitting in his apartment, alone, clenching his body tightly. Violation was the only thing he could feel. No matter how many times he cleansed himself, the feeling never left. He was dirty, nothing but a whore. It all started with a chance meeting, a chance mistake. It wasn't his fault, it never was. It hurt so much, it always did. Tears streamed down his face. Why him?

It had been an accident, he never intended things to end how they did. A chance encounter with the one person who meant the most to him. After so long, they were together again. He had let down his guard. He had trusted him, that was his biggest mistake. He was taken advantage of, in the most horrifying way. He had been used over and over. Then left broken, without a glance. He had cried then too, he had promised the tears would stop. It had taken a long time for him to be found.

He curled into a tighter ball, clenching his stomach in disgrace. Buried his face in his knees to hide his shame. His arms ached with scars. Blood trickled from fresh wounds, cleansing him as it fell. His heart beat in his head, broken and out of tune. He was disgusting, a freak. They were right, he was a monster. Broken so easily, it was wrong. Never had he imagined three words could make his world and then break it. Never had he thought two words could force him to the brink, slowly over the edge.

They had treated him, tried to cleanse him. It didn't work. Food lost all taste, he refused to eat. Those around him worried for him, forced him to help himself. He didn't want to see them, too ashamed of what had happened to him. He never wanted them to know what he had done, how broken he was. They left, discouraged by his silence. He was alone, wallowing in his own shame. He had been weak, it was his fault. Another joined him, their face a mirror of his own. Two words left their mouth, he saw nothing. He felt nothing. He heard nothing but the creaking of his world. It shattered into a million pieces. They could never know what he had become.

His claws broke his skin, blood trickling from his stomach. It would be a disgrace. Looked down upon by those who should praise it. He felt no regret doing what he planned. He had to end it before it had a chance to grow. Destroy it for something it had not done. Tears anew, he was just like them. Pain flooded his chest, he was just like them. He hugged himself. He couldn't do it. He had to, he couldn't go on this way. Despite what would happen because of his selfishness, he couldn't go on. Begging for forgiveness, he reached for his savior. One holding his stomach, the other his angel, his vision faded from red to black.

* * *

He stood a free man, the once loved heir. Returned triumphant, revenge was his. Turning to them, he demanded to know where he was. Their faces turned grim, anger shot at him from several. He didn't understand why but followed one anyway. It had been eight months since he had seen him. Since he had taken advantage of him. He needed to apologize, oh so badly. He was lead through white halls and clean doors. The never ending walk. An ominous feeling settling in his chest. Creaking hit his ears, he walked through the door. 

A silhouette set against the curtain. Beeps of machines beat with his pulse. Why was he here, what had happened? They pulled back the cloth, he gasped. He stepped back, not believing his eyes. He laid on a bed, face covered by a cloth. Machines that measure life attached to him everywhere. A tube stuck from his throat, bringing him air. Tubing protruded from his stomach, bringing him food. His stomach was swollen, three times its normal size. Machines hooked to it too, measured life. What was going on?

He placed a hand on that stomach, warm under his fingers. Trailing to his chest, cold metal met him. Looking, he found rings attached to tubes exiting his chest, carrying lifes blood to machines, then returning it. Why was he like this? He voiced but received no answer. Why was he silent? What was wrong? Frantic beeps, machines gone haywire. All stuck to the swollen belly. He was shoved away, forced out. He watched through the glass, a miracle. Cries filled the air as the belly was cut open. He couldn't believe his eyes. Cries softened, carried out to him was a bundle. Inside lay a new born child. He held it like glass, so fragile.

Looking up, he saw them lay a kiss on him, tears in their eyes. Then, the beeping stopped. The plug had been pulled. He was gone. They cried, walking out. A sheet of white lay over the form that was once his. He didn't understand, what had happened? He voice again and again, but none would answer. Again he tried, an answer came. The woman stepped up to him, eyes red with tears.

"One week after he last saw you, after he learned he was pregnant with your child, he attempted suicide. We managed to save the baby, thanks to life support. We promised to let him go once the child was born." She paused, tears starting anew. "Naruto has been dead for eight months Sasuke. The body laying in there wasn't truly alive. All we managed to save was that baby, his wounds were too severe." She paused again. "He stabbed himself in the heart Sasuke, because of you. He was so ashamed of what you had done to him, that he was too weak to stop you. All because you, he's gone. But you got what you wanted, you selfish bastard." She walked off angrily.

* * *

He stood alone, emptiness weighing down upon him. He had promised himself he would go there, only to see. Blood was everywhere, dried and flaking. Stench of death clung to the walls. All things he wanted to forget. It hurt, it was his fault. The bundle stirred. Looking down, hauntingly familiar eyes stared back. He knew he was hated, those eyes would never leave him. His family forever tainted by those particular eyes. He did not, would not, hate the bearer of those eyes, it was not his fault. Cooing the child, shame washed him. Disgrace drenched to his bone. Those eyes, they were everywhere. He had lost his mind, he knew. 

Composure, the feelings left. Those eyes remained, staring innocently at him. Half a smile was all he would give. Looking around once more, a flash of yellow. Hallucinations, he saw him. Huddled against the bloody wall, crying. Hand on his stomach, other with a knife. Frizz, the image faded out. Only the dried blood remained. Looking at the child once more, he understood. Theirs was a tragic love, his and the blondes. He knew this event would lead to his own demise. He knew that he never wanted the child, never wanted to leave it alone. He promised he would never be alone. A promise made of guilt. After all…

It was his fault.


End file.
